The way we view things is so unique to each and everyone of us. Each experience we have, regardless of who we have it with, is going to look completely different depending on who you ask. My view of the Chicago Marathon is so very different from the thousands of others who ran it. And that is special in its own way.
I have spent time discussing what has happened to me in the past, the way someone walked out of my life without a single word or reason why. How I am searching for how to move forward, even though it can seem impossible. But I know I need to pick up the broken pieces and really begin putting everything back together, or at least complete the puzzle of my heart that is sitting three quarters of the way fixed.
Reaching out to him has not been an easy thing to do. Since the first time in June, every time I hit send my heart starts beating a million miles a minute. Each response sends a whirlwind of emotions and another round of heartbreak as I realize that he just does not care. The final time was a few weeks ago. I finally explained that I needed some form of closure, that I had written a few pieces about what happened but that I didn’t just want to drop a link. Three weeks went by without a response, even though he read the message right away. The realization again that he just did not care. So I finally just sent the link.
The response made me realize that his view is so very different then my own. Where I saw us in a complicated relationship, he saw it as simply a friendship. But his unwillingness to bring up the past made me realize that there was more to his view then he was willing to admit. But then again, he is entitled to have his own view on what happened. But it still does not explain why everything happened the way it did or how he would just cut off contact for years the way he did.
I guess in the end, none of it matters. What matters is how I move forward and keep trying to make the most of each day, of chasing the goals and dreams in front of me, and making my heart whole again. When I look back on what happened, I will always remember first the good times, because regardless of what happened I am human and will always think of the good times first. But I will also look back on how what took place set my life in motion to be a better, holistic person.
Moving forward in any regard is difficult, wither it is from a person or an incident that took place. Some days will be good and some days will be challenging, but regardless of what happens, moving forward is the best thing to happen to me.
Until next time
-Be Fearless, Go Boldly