How do we let go of what has happened in our past? To set a new course, to continue moving forward without holding on to what once was. Is it that I actually miss the person or the idea of the person? Do I feel some sort of resent towards them and what happened or am I in need of actual closure and an opportunity to thank them for redirecting the course for my life? Can I let the events of the past help shape my future in a positive way or hold me back from being the best version of myself?

As you can tell, my mind has been going in circles for a few weeks now. And I am realizing more and more that I am holding back on even more opportunity for growth in my life because I am holding on to one thing in my past. My desire for closure is far exceeding my need to keep moving forward.

As I keep turning over in my mind, I am realizing the reality of this and how the simple act of letting go is far more difficult then we ever realize. When we let our hearts go towards something or someone that was never meant for us, we go through the process of letting go that puts its hold far deep within our souls. We yearn for what could have been instead of reaching toward what will be in the future. And it is crazy to me how this can play out with people and decisions in our lives over simple things.

How do I let go of a bad race day? How do I move forward from the person I thought would always be there? How do I make peace with myself over a decision that completely altered my mind? Each day of our lives is filled with small decisions that lead to larger choices. Its through these little choices that we finally make headway toward moving forward, forgiving, and finding peace.

I am very much still in the midst of finding balance in the small choices I make each day. I know that these little choices will effect that larger decisions in my life. I am starting to become more aware of the small choices and how they are affecting me currently. If I don’t like something, I begin to determine the process of changing it. But one thing I can’t seem the change is the thoughts of what could have been. That is, until today. I am working towards reworking my thoughts. Think about what could have been and shift it to what is actually happening. Think of how I could have made a different choice and instead think of the choices I have made that have brought me to today. It’s a small step in a large process that is going to lead to a lot of growth.

Maybe I will be further along in a few weeks on this process. Maybe my mind will shift if I can receive the closure I so desperately want. But what will I do if God has a different plan and I don’t get what I want? What do I do then? Do I continue to think about the past knowing that it is hurting my future or do I pick up the remaining broken pieces, glue them back together, and finally move on with my life?

I guess time will only tell. But my hope is to start moving forward in ways that I have yet to do. Because I know I am better off now then I was years ago.

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